Listen, And Not To Speak.

I don't really know how to start this one out. Lately, I've been talking a lot about beautiful things that effect myself. Grace. Gratitude. Perspective of beauty. But this one is different. Just recently I realized how beautiful it is to be the person that can listen. Like, truly listen. Not to give an opinion or advice. But just to listen for the plain fact that some people need to talk. 

Sometimes a person really wants to share their triumphs and lessons. People work really hard in their lives. What they learn and accomplish can mean a lot to them, but it's worth so much more when it is shared and multiplied. So give people that opportunity to teach you. Nothing can beat the feeling of having a real person in front of you taking in your words. 

And even more than the good stuff, it takes a truly beautiful person to listen to the ugly stuff. The problems. 

Just last night, one of my best friends was going through an emotional issue. When we first started the conversation, I tried to pick out the pieces of her story that I could use to come up with the best piece of advice to give. As she went on, I realized that while she was looking for advice, that's not what she really needed. She needed someone to hear her speak. She just needed to voice her emotions out loud, and I was someone who she trusted enough to hear them. 

It takes a beautiful person to be one who can just listen. It takes selflessness. It takes patience. It takes a trustworthy heart to hear these things but never repeat them. I'll be the first to admit I'm not good at it. But I know what it means to me to have a friend who can listen to my same pitfall over and over again without complaint or judgement. How beautiful would it be if I could be that same friend?

These Are A Few Of My Most Thankful Things

I am thankful for the good times…

• Traveling to new countries
• Laughing and being stupid with my friends
• Blasting music in my car
• Foggy nights
• Finishing a really good run

I'm thankful for the bad times… 

• Relationships that didn't work out
• Crappy situations that turned me into the girl I am today
• Not getting into the college I wanted to

I'm thankful for a God who loves me, in spite of my constant failures. 

I'm thankful for grace that covers my failures. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

I started yesterday's post about how much I wanted to complain. Then I preached about how important it is to have a positive outlook. [sorry for the recap, but it was just sooooo long ago] But how do we get to that positive attitude? Well, as my mom would say (hi mom!)... 

"Have an attitude of gratitude" 

Some days, that's easier said than done. But like any good skill, it takes practice! True and conscious practice. Not just on the good days, but on the days you feel like crap too. Because, some days just suck. Friendships fail, jobs are lost, bills are due, faith feels hard to come by. There's a country song out there that says "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful life". 

To start off this topic of gratitude, I got a little help from my friends. 

What you are grateful for?

Amy - "forgiveness, inside jokes that make your cheeks hurt, and summer weather."

Tabitha - "Sunshine, lemons, Trader Joes, Joe (her husband), Dory the car, worship music and amazing friendships"

Natalie - "coffee, flowers, hugs, and incredible friends. 

Chelsea - "people's patience, kinds, understanding, and encouragement"

Lindsey - "God's perseverance and how He pushes me to love and serve Him more every single day"

Alicia - "God's overwhelming grace, that is it costly and beautiful and refreshing and always available"

Thanks beautiful friends!

Whether it be for faith, food, or friendship…there is always always always always something to be grateful for. Even when the only thing you can think of is your future salvation and life in Heaven, there is always something to be thankful for. And there is something beautiful about a girl who can look on the brighter side. Who brings light into a conversation and life. If I am going to lift people up in their own lives, I better get in going in my own!

"In everything, give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" 1 Thes 5:18

A Lil Help From Lizzie

I wanted to come on here today and just complain. I wanted to complain about work, being sick, being busy… all of it.

But then I thought… you guys don't need to hear any negativity! And I don't need it either! Negativity only breeds more negativity. We see enough of it throughout the world. What we all need are some positive thoughts.

The video below is what popped in my mind. Her name is Lizzie, and she is a smart, witty, and beautiful girl. She sums up being a positive spirit better than anyone else I have heard of. Please watch the entire video. Lizzie's outlook has stayed with me for a long time, and I hope she has that effect on you too.

Follow her youtube page here!

Tu Bonita: Part III (wrapping it up)

Like most women, or people in general, I have let the perception of my own appearance hinder my everyday interactions. That's what kind of jump started this journey in the first place. (Can you believe it's been two weeks?! whoa!)

On some days, I can wake up feeling smoking hot. Then suddenly, due to one thing or another, I can feel absolutely ogre-like! That thing may be a text that some boy doesn't reply to. Or maybe seeing a picture of myself at an unflattering angle. And suddenly, I can only see a hideous girl in the mirror. Do I really think that my face or body really changed that much in those couple seconds? No. But does it feel that way… abso-freakin-lutely.

That warped way of thinking just goes to show me… my perception of appearance is all in my head!

I was SCARED to take this weekend trip. In the past, when I am around people that don't know me very well, I get entirely too wrapped up in looking good. Putting on a show. Because somehow I think that they will like me more if I look good [false]. But going through these last two weeks has challenged this. Before I left, I vowed to not get wrapped up in my own false identity. I would not let myself believe that their acceptance of me was based on how pretty I looked.

And guess what, it was the first time I was able to travel and feel truly comfortable in my own skin. As soon as I decided that nobody cared what I looked like, I started believing it. And then it just became a mute point. I felt beautiful this weekend. Not because of my hair, make-up or outfits. (because believe me… I've see better) but because I allowed myself to be freed of the chains of vanity. I was free to love people better. I had better conversations. I laughed harder. I was HAPPIER.

P.T.L.

Brianna and I showing off our sweet rubber band bracelets

A lil blurry, but you can obviously see how much that baby loved me back. 

Van ride bonding

So please, release yourself of comparison. And break the chains of perception of appearance. Instead of having your hearts, eyes and minds focused inward toward themselves; make the conscious decision to turn them outward. Enjoy the freedom of loving people better because of it!

Tu Bonita: Part II

Beautiful is not in the brand of your clothes. It is not in the color of your lips. It is not in the gap between your thighs.

It is having a gentle spirit and touch

It is in a confident prayer

It is working really hard for someone else's sake

In a world of desolate poverty

I found some of the most incredible glimpses of beauty. 

"...the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" 

1 Peter 3:4 NIV

I saw the most amazing hearts this weekend. Quiet doesn't always have to mean timid and meek. It is just not seeking extravagant attention. We did not work to show off how good we were at being on mission (cause we're not), instead we worked for God's glory. Working to give each person what they needed in the most humble and gentle way possible. Sometimes it was food or a roof over their head, and sometimes it was just a caring touch to let them know how loved they are. 

"Now, this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions of what we have asked of Him" 

1 John 5:14-15 NKJV

This one surprised me. I didn't realize how beautiful prayer really is, until this moment. A few of us were standing in one lady's new home. It was just built by the church. She asked us to pray for her son. A sweet boy with a tumor on his face, just on his right jawline. We prayed in some broken spanish, but mostly english. She probably understood very little of what we had to say. When we all opened our eyes, she was crying. She felt the spirit there, because the man prayed with confidence. There is something breathtaking about speaking to the creator of the earth, and KNOWING He hears your request. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not human masters"

Colossians 3:23 NIV

A small team broke off at one point to renovate a house. The family will be bringing home their premie (Israel, born at 28 weeks. Keep him in your prayers) and they needed some help. A few guys spent the day making those necessary renovations. They worked hard. Not to get paid and not for their own glory. But because that's what Jesus would do. (and I don't even think they had a WWJD bracelet!) I don't know how a bunch of men feel about being called beautiful, but they totally nailed it!

The team wore dirty clothes and our hair was never brushed, but I can guarantee you that God saw some true beauty in us this weekend. And I have to admit, I felt it. I want to continue this mission at home. 

I want to promote this beauty by approaching people with a sweet heart. 

By praying with confidence, KNOWING that God of the universe hears me

By working really hard by God's strength and for goodness. 

You just can't go wrong with that kind of beautiful. 

This Just In!

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Tu Bonita: Part I

I'm sorry I haven't been able to post for the last few days! I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Mexico to work for a church and an orphanage. I have so much to tell you all! God is working some amazing things south of the border through some incredible people. And even building on that, God did some amazing works in my own heart. It was no mistake that I came on this trip. I learned so much about true and pure beauty there.

I think I need a little time to decompress and analyze the good works that have been happening in me. I plan on making up for missing some days of posting. I wrote the post below on Thursday afternoon, right before I hopped on the bus. Sorry I didn't have time to upload it, but I think it is still good to see where my heart was at right before I left.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Adventure: an exciting or remarkable experience

I am so in love with the idea of an adventure. We can find it in the everyday and the exceptional days. As long as you can look at an experience as something special, as something to learn from, as a memory to make… it becomes an adventure.

And today, I’m going on an adventure.

Assisted Selfie

 If you recall, I am leaving today on a short trip to Mexico. Just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I have had to cancel a couple plans, and I have been downplaying the experience. “Oh, it’s just a short trip. No big deal”. Why am I doing that!? Experiences don’t need to cost tons of money or be rare to be remarkable. I think just saying “yes” to something exciting is positively beautiful! Getting out of your everyday motions and gaining a new perspective is beautiful. Seeing beyond your own world is beautiful.

I am a controller and a planner. I need know what’s going to happen, at what times, and with what people. And I need pictures and examples. It’s a problem.  I get NONE of that with this trip. I have contemplated dropping out many times since saying yes. But I won’t. I don’t want my fear of the unknown to dictate my adventures. So, I’m going to go serve. I am saying that my trust in God’s hand in this is bigger than my fears. I trust that He will use this ADVENTURE in my life and in others.  

He doesn’t want us to have lame lives. He wants us to live remarkable, exciting and all together beautiful lives! And that can all start just by saying

yes

Going On A Lil Trip...

So, kinda random, but I decided to hop on a church trip to Mexico this weekend. We are going to do some construction, feeding program, and kids ministry at an orphanage. The opportunity just kind of popped up, and for some reason, I said yes.

 [remember how we talked about having time or stillness, ya… I'm not the best at it] 

I'll admit that I'm nervous. Not about the trip or where I will be staying, I trust the group tremendously and I know God wants me there. I am more nervous about the relationships within the group. I don't know how many people will be there, or what ages, or guys vs. girls. I am just going! Oh, I get so nervous meeting a big group of people, then you know… spending the weekend with them. 

For a girl who is used to finding a lot of her confidence in her appearance, serving in an impoverished community won't really aid me in that. So I have to rely on so much more! Just love, really. It's not about how I look or how cool I can seem… those kids and volunteers will not care. 

The ONLY thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love. 

Doing ministry is an outgoing adventure. Add a language barrier and I'm terrified. But like I said in my first post… the best changes usually come with a racing heart. This feels like when I left for Russia a couple years ago…

Moscow at night

At Young Life camp

Kransnodar

St. Petersburg

In Red Square

I had no idea what to bring. What to expect. How to act…. I was soooo unequipped. But the thing is… God doesn't ask us to be fully prepared, then where would be the room for Him to show his glory through us? And even more… where would the excitement be in that? All he asks for is humble (sometimes even reluctant) obedience.

So here I am God, use me in Mexico. Give me the strength to love each person there in spite of my insecurities.

I think I am going to get some good insight into beauty of the heart on this trip. Also smiling, adventure, passion, kindness, charity. All those beautiful things. Please pray for me and this mission.

Just Be Still

So I was shopping in Trader Joes today during my lunch break [because I'm an adult] and as I was checking out, the checker asked me how my day was going. Pretty typical, right? Even more typical was my automatic response, "Oh my gosh, so crazy busy!" We laughed a bit about how I was running errands on my lunch break and then I left. It got me thinking, why am I so eager to tell people how busy I am?

Why do we glorify busy?

The world these days loooooves busy people. That's how we judge how interesting we are, right? How much we have to do? Or how much we can handle? This feeling of needing to be busy was only increased with the presence of social media. Don't get me wrong, I think Facebook and Instagram (follow me @palimes!) have their place. But when I see how much everyone seems to be doing, I feel the need to compete and be busy too! That turns into my identity! I am the busy girl. I am the girl who does this, this and that!

Sometimes our lives just turn busy, and that's okay. There is strength in that. I have my work and my hobbies and I enjoy it all. But still, I need to remind myself to just be still sometimes. That my worth is not nested in how full my calendar is. I need to wander around Farmer's Market just because. Or sit at the beach and spend time with God. Or take a walk with a friend. There's beauty in the quite times. Nobody likes a nervous-nelly, but there is something special about a girl who can just be as she is. There's a beautiful peace in that. 

After many years, I can imagine myself looking back on my life. I hope I remember all the exciting times and I hope I treasure the sweet times of quiet. 

I have developed the habit of being busy, so it will take some training to be quiet. So I'll practice. Maybe just 15 mins a day of being still. No music, no reading, just still. 

I'll try to schedule that in soon. This week doesn't look good, but maybe I'll have time next week? :)

Thriving in Grace

I've never felt more humbled than when I had to hang my head and allow God to forgive me for yet another one of my screw-ups. 

But I believe it's more than just accepting grace, it's thriving in grace. I'm just going to let that soak in for a minute. Let it tear me apart and build me back up. All my mistakes, all my sin, all the times I thought to myself, "I am just going to do what I want". I haven't just been forgiven. I have been wiped clean. No strings attached.

And there is one more layer to grace. Not only am I forgiven, but I am built up stronger. Because in His infinite wisdom, God can take my mistakes, coat them with grace, and turn them into lessons. In an easy example… imagine that you are taking an exam and run into a question that you complete bomb. After you fail that test, you learn the right way to get the answer. And you are also about to teach your study group the correct formula. Then, when the final comes, both you and your study group ace the class.

Now a harder example… I will be the first to say that I have had a wrong guy or two in my life. (but we won't tally them up) I have had to learn some lessons the hard way. But when I allowed grace to settle in my heart, I was better prepared for the next (sometimes even more difficult) time. Whether it be knowing myself, temptation, lying, guarding my heart, or all of the above…. God's grace first comforts, then heals. My actions come with consequences, but when I can humble myself enough to accept and THRIVE in grace, I am one step closer to the image of the woman I was designed to be.

A beautiful woman who accepts her human nature, but keeps on striving for the goal. She allows herself to be seen as wrong (HUGE struggle for me) and allows her heart to be worked on. She comes out stronger from the lessons. She is beautiful!

But He give us more grace. That is why Scripture says, "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humbled and oppressed." James 4:6 

God WANTS to give you grace, because in that... the Spirit increases. And where there is Spirit, the good fruits come to light

Love

Joy 

Peace

Forbearance (which apparently means patient self-control, just learned that!)

Kindness

Goodness 

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

[Remind me to do about a million posts on fruits of the Spirit, because I'm pretty sure God just summed up beautiful a lot better than I could have…]

Being humble enough to accept grace is difficult. It will take some heart-searching to see what that means for you. And it will probably be very different than what it means for me. But just as giving grace brings freedom, so does accepting it! 

Model Cred: My brother. Paragliding is one of the most freeing experiences you'll ever have on earth!

By grace alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. 

Those Positive Vibes

I believe in the power of positivity. The thoughts of our mind turn into the emotions of our heart. So it would only be wise surround myself with sweet messages and prayers, right?

 Recently, two friends gave me some beautiful pieces of art. I just hung them up tonight, and I'm looking forward to seeing them every morning. 

             

Both are beautiful sentiments. One on true love for another. And one that encourages you to love your life. I hope these both become true in all your lives. 

I Just Like Smiling. Smiling's My Favorite

Confession time… I have always been a little self-conscious of my smile. Not my picture smile, but my genuine, laugh out loud, can't control it smile. It comes from joy, but in pictures all I can see is squinty eyes, no neck, and a mouth full of teeth.

Last night, some of the guys were talking about what physical feature they are most attracted to. Without missing a beat, one of the guys said "her smile". Honestly, I'd have to say that is one for me too. When a guy is genuinely smiling at me, I kiiiiiinda melt. And I now that I think about it, I have never met anyone (guy or girl) who I would say has a "bad" smile. Pretty sure they don't exist.

So today, I am going to choose joy. I am going to choose to not think about how I look when I laugh. Because that just takes away from the fun of the moment. And ain't nobody got time for that.

The Beauty in Letting Go

Warning: In the interest in protecting people, the following story will be extremely generic…

Recently, one of my best friends was telling me a story. She was telling me about a really good friend hurt her emotionally. After explaining everything that happened, she said that she forgave her. I, being the absolute picture of upstanding Christian [ya…no] said, "Well good! But you're not going to continue a friendship right, because she acted that way?" My friend said that she will still continue to love this girl and be her friend, because "I know where her sin is coming from. We all have the same sin". In that moment… I was floored and humbled beyond belief. I was speechless.

What I saw was giving grace in action, and it was beautiful!

We've all heard that classic line, "I love, because He loved me first" What's harder is, "I forgive, because he forgave me first". What if I don't want to forgive? What if that person let their temptations or  selfishness overtake their morals so bad that I ended up being burned? What if I did nothing to deserve it? What if it is hard? 

Well, what happens is that burden of feeling that someone owes me begins to weigh me down. It wraps up my thoughts. It pulls me inward towards what I am owed and I am unable to love outward towards others. It increases my own selfishness and temptations to overtake my own morals. The sin just multiplies. 

Instead, we can choose grace. By giving up that bitterness towards a person (mostly likely for a sin that I have committed or been close to committing) I find freedom. My thoughts are no longer consumed by the injustices against me, but more on the goodness around me. And if I am able to humble myself enough to extend grace to where the world would disagree with me... wow. THAT is beautiful. 

Within the past year, I was emotionally hurt by someone who said he loved me. It never got resolved in the wordly way that we know. I never had "closure". When God answered by prayer to release my from my emotions towards him, Satan stepped in and increased my bitterness towards him. Right now, I am choosing to extend GRACE instead. Many would tell me that I am naive or stupid to do so. But he has sins just like I do. And God loves him too, just like me. 

This does not mean that I will have a relationship with him anymore. I will not go back to sharing those emotions. Because I am God's child too, and He wants to protect me from any more hurt. What it does mean is that I am wiping the slate clean between us. I no longer want to hold bitterness against him. I want to no longer be afraid of acting out towards him. There is a lightness in that freedom. And there is beauty in that lightness.

The One That Explains The Blog Name

Grace

Probably one of my top ten favorite things to talk about. Right behind traveling adventures and why sharks are the best kind of animal. 

I can look back on my life and count the thousands of times I had forgiven someone. Typically, forgiveness came after they realized how they treated ME poorly. Or maybe I could forgive them if they made it up to ME. I'm hearing a lot of "me" talk here. That's not grace, that's a barter. And bartering has always stressed me out. But grace is FIRST forgiveness. Grace is forgiveness with no one deserving it. It is not counting the strikes or how much is owed. 

And maybe that's the beautiful. The beauty in just letting go. 

We don't deserve it, the unmerited favor and salvation from God. But we have been made new BY grace and for good. (oh hey, where have I heard that before?) I'm not new this one time, but going to get kicked out tomorrow. Grace took care of me, for good. That's it. BOOM. DONE. 

And what if we really believed that. I'm talking more than just knowing the words or repeating the words. I mean deep down in your heart… KNOWING that you have been forgiven for all your crap. And KNOWING that there is no mess-up so awful we can do to tear us away from the grace of the Lord? You know what you got left? Freedom. And Hope. Oh man, how much I want that hope! 

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I need to dive in more. There is a beautiful thing in giving grace. Just pure and undeserved favor and forgiveness. And there is also beauty in accepting grace. By accepting this truth, alllll the shame and fear just washes away. Not that I am good at either one of those. But I am going to work on them. The giving and accepting of grace. 

AKA. The beauty of letting go

I could keep writing for days on grace. But I think I'd rather stretch it out instead…

Get it? STRECH is out? ba dum ching!

Water: It's PRETTY Essential.

I know the last couple posts were strong. We are going to be dealing with some serious issues here. Beautiful in all aspects. Heart, mind, body, spirit, appearance. But today, let's keep it simple sweets! And especially since it was a sweltering 95 degrees today...

Let's talk about water. H2O. Agua. 

Ask any of my friends, and they would tell you that water is my cure for just about everything. It doesn't matter if you have a headache, dizziness, hunger, nausea… My first question would be "Have you had enough water today?" And the answer is usually no. When I was in Russia a couple years ago, I felt ill most of the time. I couldn't drink their water and had to keep buying bottles or drink hot sweet tea. That's when I realized how much I take available water for granted here. 

Did you know... 1 out of 9 people in the world do not have access to a clean water source? 

Well I didn't… until I ran [pun intended] into the Vines Into Water 5k benefiting Cause Life. Clean water is essential in to our health and well being. It is just about the best thing you can put into your body. Being properly hydrated: 

• Energizes muscles by preventing muscle fatigue
• Keeps skin hydrated and beautiful 
• Flushes out toxins via good kidney function
• Maintains a good PH balance
• Keeps everything working as it was designed to!

Not to mention the feelings of being dehydrated just plain suck. 

So what does that have to do with beauty? Well… you can't feel beautiful if your body is lacking a vital need! We need to respect our bodies, and that means listening to what it needs. So today, I kept track of how much I was drinking.

I have like 3 of those bottles floating around, I'm constantly losing them. 

 

7am: Venti Iced Coffe (we'll work on that coffee addiction later)

9am: 24oz Water

12pm: 16oz Iced Tea

1:30pm: 24oz Water

3:30pm: 24oz Water

6pm (post workout): 24oz Water

8pm: 24oz Water

Thats a total of 136oz. Current science says that woman should be drinking 2.2 liters of water per day, thats roughly 72 ounces. It looks like I am well beyond that. Granted, I should subtract some for the coffee dehydration, freakin hot day and a work out. All in all though, I am feeling pretty good. 

So what if you don't like water? Well, there's no getting around it. Your body needs it to function. Unsweetened iced tea counts too! Or do what my roommate does… add some sliced fruit and let the water chill in the fridge for the night. Delicious and pinteresty all in one! And about 20% of your water should come from food. So keep those fruit and veggies flowing!

Remember… beautiful kidneys make a beautiful woman!

[or something like that]

Beauty and Our Idols

I told God that I wanted to be challenged to really study beauty... be careful what you pray for.

Because I have this affinity for turning off my alarm, I woke up 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. That meant no make-up, wearing glasses, hair in a (slightly greasy) ponytail and the closest outfit I could find. Throughout the day, I could feel myself shrinking inward. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to make decisions.

By the time I got home to sit down and talk to you about beauty, I felt farrrrrr from it. 

[Also, I wasn't planning on doing the "no-make-up" challenge this early in the game]

Today, I was stripped of the things I rely on to feel beautiful. Make-up, contact lenses, straight hair, poised outfit. As innocent as all of those things are, they are revealing themselves a idols in my heart. I am not saying that any of those things are bad… not at all! I love playing with different hair colors and shopping is one of my favorite pastimes. But when do sweet things stop being "nice-to-haves" and start being my IDENTITY?

Tim Keller hits it home with his 20 Questions Towards Diagnosing Heart Idols. Image Idolatry is when you only feel you have worth if you have a certain look or body image. And ya, that is extreme. But I would be lying to you if I said that I don't feel "less" when I'm not portraying my preferred image. If I am not the girl who always looks classic and put-together, who am I? Or even worse… would anyone want that girl?

Ladies, I can guarantee you that we were made by God. And when God made us, He didn't say, "Okay, I am only going to make her so-so and just hope that she finds some good make-up and hair products to be acceptable." NO WAY JOSE! We were designed beautifully, just as we are. No bells, no whistles, no $150 bill at Sephora necessary! (I'm so sorry Sephora, I really do love you)

So can we just reflect a bit? What if it was all taken away? All your favorite outfits and shoes? All your lipsticks and mascara? No contact lenses. And only "bad" hair days. It's okay to be disappointed, but would you DEVASTATED? Would you feel like less of the fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14) woman that you are? 

[please don't tell me I'm alone in this] 

My heart isn't going to change by wishing it would. Or by throwing out all cosmetics and going cold turkey. I gotta pray that God opens my eyes. I want to see myself as He sees me. As I was designed to be. Beautiful and pure as snow. 

Here's a lil inspiration for ya - Emerald Bay, Tahoe

Beautiful: As Easy As 1-3-3

I believe in a life of transformation. I can look back in the past 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 DAYS ago and see the changes within me. God could be working on a thousand things in you, all while you are aware of about three, if that. These lessons can come easy or hard. But the ones that I loved most were accompanied by my racing heart. The ones that shoved me outside my comfort zone. Where I said I would never go. And when I returned, I would never be the same.

I always said that I’m not a runner. On April 26^th I finished my first 5k. And guess what guys, I ran the whole 3.1 miles. (only stopped once to take a selfie, cause why not?) To some, that may not seem like much, but coming from a girl who started at like .25 miles that was a freakin miracle. And because I’m apparently crazy, I signed up for a 10k the next week. The “She is Beautiful” 10k race.

"I believe in sweating everyday. I believe running with your friends is better than therapy. I believe happy girls are the beautiful girls. I believe strong is pretty."

I don’t just want to run beside those girls. I want to be that girl. I want to live a beautiful life. I want to be transformed from the soul to my heart to my brain to my skin to my smile.  I want to dive into what it really means to be beautiful. And I want to start right now!

Today is Monday 5/12/2014 and the race is 9/21/2014. That is 133 days. Not a pretty number, not a clean number, but (God willing) it will be a beautiful number. For 133 days, I am going to focus on what it takes to feel and turn myself into a beautiful person. It will be trial and error. I will fail during it. I will probably be more wrong than right. But if there is one thing I know with all my heart, is that God can use anything given up to Him as a tool for His glory.

So, ladies (or curious gentlemen), what is beautiful? That’s going to be different for each and every person. I have my own thoughts, of course.

Too often, I feel like life is just reconciling with the two people that I am. The person that I see myself as right now, and the girl I want to be.

What is beautiful?

·         Being strong

·         Eating food that is colorful, fresh and nutritious for your body

·         Staying hydrated

·         Understanding beauty from many different eyes

·         Loving God above all else

·         A girl who loves the God's Word

·         Compassion

·         Generosity

·         Working really really hard

·         Smiling

·         Natural

·         Being content and comfortable in your skin

·         Confidence in your abilities

·         Listening to people who need to be heard

·         Being educated

·         Reading

·         Making music

·         Making art

·         Expanding your mind and interests

·         Travel

·         Humility

·         Modestly

·         New experiences

·         Family

·         Friends

·         Faith

·         Hope

·         Focusing outward

·         Times of Quiet

·         Purity

·         Giving up the need for control

·         Godly relationships

·         Simplicity

·         Courage

·         Responsibility

·         Grace

·         Kindness

·         Vulnerability

·         Passion

And so so soooooo much more!

A lot is going to happen in the next 133 days. Already planned are concerts, trips, parties, festivals, performances and lots of work. Unplanned are the moments of joy, pain, tears, vulnerability, grace and wonder. 

I’m not saying that I expect to be more attractive or get more dates by the end of this. I just know that I spend entirely too much money on lipstick and dresses and jewelry in vain attempts to feel pretty. And I still am plagued by crippling insecurity when I am around people who I deem prettier, funnier or cooler than I am. All while God tells me over and over that I am more precious than rubies and diamonds. My heart is not right. I want to change that.

So who is more beautiful?

This girl?

Or this girl?

 Well according to my Facebook profile pic… the answer would be left. But I hope that after all of this, I (as well as all of you) will be able to see beauty past the hair and make-up. I want to see beauty as we were designed to see it. I'm just not sure what that is yet...

The Game Plan:

Trick question… there isn’t one. I will try to write every day on beauty. But I may miss a day and that’s okay because that’s grace (and grace is beautiful… so problem solved) I want to focus on one or two of those ideas above each day. I want to do more and give my opinion less. I may add topics as we go on. I may listen to your ideas or those that surround me. It’s a journey. And I am so excited to take it with you internet world!